im asking myself how many times i wanna be disappointed and be hurt before i can walk away.
and im not finding an answer.

im searching so hard to try do whats best for me and i dnot know what that thing is.

you say these words and i get sucked in. four months ago. this exact thing happened. and you keep telling me that this time itll be different. but i have my doubts.

i wanna believe you. im trying so hard to believe that what you say you feel for me is true.

i feel dirty and stupid and used and embarrassed and ashamed.

now i am hurt and i am angry and i am sad and i am frustrated.

this wasnt supposed to happen to me. ive never ever done anything to anyone to deserve to be treated this way.

i dont want these sorts of dramas in my life. i dont like drama. i just want to be with someone who loves me and who can give me what i want. who can make me happy and who i can make happy in return. i dont want lies. i want trust. i want companionship. i want support. i want someone who cares about me.

who loves me for me. not for my rack. not for my makeup. but for my brains. for my personality.

i cared so much for you. i wanted you to become a better person. i wanted to help you become that better person. but this is what i get in return?

i dont understand. call me naive, call me innocent. but bad things arent supposed to happen to good people. then why do bad things always happen to me? why am i the one who always always gets fucked over?









it finally hit me.
ive been crying for half an hour now. keep counting.