hhaha ok
all that talk about shanghai? yeah well put that on hold. my dad always gets his facts mixed up
the blake dawson dude wants to give me placement in AUSTRALIA if he thinks im good enough.
haha
i guess that means ill be in Australia this summer. :) well i guess that wont be too bad. i definitely will still wanna go somewhere even for a week. get away from SYDNEY. central coast would be nice. or back up to the gold coast. or like HAMILTON ISLAND? OR FRASIER ISLAND? YES?


i always thought i wasnt one of those girls who needed a boyfriend. or a guy constantly. i loved feeling independent of guys and guys having a hold on me. not saying that when i truly like someone i dont hold on for a long time. i didnt care that i didnt have anyone to complain about things to. or i didnt have long conversations on the phone with a guy. i loved the fact that i was never tied down. i could do my own thing without anyone telling me otherwise (except my parents i guess... not that i really listen to them much anyway). a man didnt dictate my life.
a bit of a feminism? maybe.. in some ways.

im not quite sure where i stand on that now. maybe because ive been seeing someone for the longest period of time that ive ever had a relationship i'm beginning to like having someone there. also it doesnt hurt that i actually, sincerely, like this guy, (vices and virtues and all).

so now i do want a boyfriend. i want someone that gives me attention. i want someone who cares about me enough to tell me what to do. i want someone whose gonna hold my hand when im upset. i want someone who will understand me, my stress with uni, my problems with my parents etc. i want someone who can put up with my idiosyncrasies and put up with it with a smile on his face. i want someone that i know is exclusively mine. someone i dont have to share. someone i don't have to worry about whether this girl likes him or that girl wants him or blah.

i just want someone i can call my own.

if you've known me for long enough or have read my blog for long enough, you'll know that this is not what i was feeling a year ago. haha. how things change so much in a year huh?

do you think you can give me what i want? or am i holding onto false hope for something that isnt and will never be there?