so im back in australia.
this past week has been extremely draining both physicaly, mentally and emotionally for me.
i dont think i spent a day in china without crying. and truth be told, i never knew crying so much took such a big toll on your body.
so im back and im ready to not focus on the past but on the future. im not gonna dwell on whats happened because i know my grandmother wouldnt want me to. she'ld want me to study hard and live life to the fullest.

one of the most important things i learnt this last week is that one should never have to say the words 'i regret..'
listening to my aunts and uncles and including dad talking about how they regretted doing this and that, regretted not taking my grandma seriously when she first said she had heart pains etc etc was extremely disheartening. so i guess what im trying to tell myself is that i need to become a person who will live her life by making choices which wont lead me down the road of regret.

another important thing i learnt was the importance of family. my aunts stayed with my grandma every single day since she got admited into hospital until her death. as much as we want to believe friends would do the same for you, in all honesty, i doubt it. they barely ate, they barely slept, they had to help my grandma poo because she was losing control of her internal organs. with this lesson comes my conclusion: i am having at least 4 kids.

we also talked alot about marriage and boyfriends this week. all of my cousins are older than me and while one's already married the others are at that stage of looking for that life partner. and this week has reaffirmed my idea that most guys are dickheads. but, if you can find someone whose personality is compatible with yours, whose clear about their life ambitions and is working hard towards achieving their goal, who loves you unconditionally and doesnt treat you like some inferior creature, who RESPECTS you as a woman and who is polite and courteous to your parents. then you've got 'THE ONE'. ok maybe you dont. but i will.
and im not gonna settle for second rate. because no one deserves to settle for second rate. im not gonna reach the age of 30, be unmarried and just marry some random guy just because im getting old. life isnt about that, it really shouldnt be about compromise. and marriage definitely shoudnt be about just 'settling'.

lots of work to catch up on.