exam week has officially started
and i have officially already screwed them. starting with my first exam.

i seriously wanna just go muffle myself in my sleep cuz life at the moment.... just fucking sucks like shit.
sucks sucks sucks sucks.
the only thing that makes me happy right now is looking at www.lookbook.nu
some funky funky people on that site.

maybe its cuz im about to get a year older and im getting the blues. you know.. getting older... no direction in life as of yet... still poor as a mother... still living with my parents.
i mean...WHAT AM I DOING?
yeah i know im doing uni... and hows that going? OH NOT SO GREAT THANKS
i wish i could just start work now. buy myself an apartment. buy myself a dog. go home at night... say hi to chloe (the dog...) give her some food... chuck in a microwavable dinner. turn on the tv and zonk out with a cup of wine. then come friday night meeting friends for afterwork drinks and having dinner at some scrumptous restaurant that serves amazing cocktails.
saturday would be spent waking up late... cleaning the house... going to the gym. and then partying at night
sunday would be an all day sleepathon.
chuck in the boyfriend here and there who hopefully i would be living with and ill yell at him for chucking socks everywhere.. ild yell at him for not putting down the toliet lid. waking up together and having awesome HUGE YUM cafe breakies with chloe sitting next to us. him snoring when im trying to sleep.. me yelling at him for no reason cuz im pmsing or cuz work is stressful then him attempting to cook to make me feel better.

OK SERIOUSLY? WHY IS MY LIFE NOT LIKE THAT?
why am i a 20 y/o girl all alone on monday night without her dog, without her own apartment, without her boyfriend, without her job ........ but just with finance notes?

so tell me what you do when youve made a mistake and nothing you can do makes it better?
tell me what you do when you can sit for hours staring into nothing and racking your brain so hard for an answer that it hurts but you come out with not even one thing productie
tell me what you do when all the words of estoppel. risk-free rate, autocorrelation all blur into the one thing
tell me what you do when you just sit in front of a computer staring at facebook trying to look for some right answers

im in dejavu mode at the moment. and you'll think i wouldve learnt from past mistakes.
obviously not haha

its alright. i can just prove how strong i am right? :):)

so damn tired of studying. its the fucking long weekend. i soooooo wanna do something.
put on some heels. stick on a short skanky dress. paint my face with makeup. get a bit drunk. talk with some disgusting sleazy guys who will try to grab my ass or my boobs or both. finish a whole pack of ciggis. dance until my legs cave in. freeze up as i go home.
AWW YEAH AND I TOTALLY MISS IT

you're drifting away and im stuck

because i want you so much that its starting to right now