im spending too much time and money on clothes. sure unlike you i dont spend 100bux a pop on clothes cuz i buy on ebay:) but it does freakin add up
let me compile a list of materialistic things ive bought in the past 2 weeks, just so i can make myself feel guilty for spending money that isnt pouring in

prestige eyeliner - 12.50
MAXFACTOR 2000 calories mascara - 20.95 (who said cheap mascara sucked? my eyelashes raech for the sky with this mascara. broooo im telling you!)
2 basic singlets from supre - $40 (ok cuz i was waiting for my cousin to finish waht she was doing and just walking around city by myself and no i dont usually shop at supre but i guess for basics its ok. i still think i got jipped but.. i mean if i was on ebay these things wouldve cost like 5 bux... anyway im not gonna whinge...)
mini black blazer with silver coat of arms buttons - 15 something
black sequined batwing knit - $27 something
red oversized blazer - $10 something
black leather mini skirt - $10
white blazer - $40 (OMG HOTTEST THING EVER CAN NOT FREAKIN WAIT FOR IT TO ARRIVEEE OMGGGGGGGGGG)
black lace minidress - $20
short bubble cocktail dress - $5


BRO
THATS FREAKING 200 BUX IN TWO WEEKS.
omg
omg
omg
my bank account is just screaming in agony i can freakin hear it
plus i had to buy my mum a mother's day present. she said she didnt want anything. but you know how people are.. its all lies.. they say that dont want something and you dont buy anything and you're fucked. so i bought her a heated feet massager. cuz im sweet like that


okok im going on a "going-on-ebay-detox" starting from when everything im watching now ends. haha
im watching 10 things atm. but im pretty sure most of them i wont end up buying
ALTHOUGH one of the dresses is to die for :(
and theres a black leather fringe jacket that is orgasmic

OK ENOUGH

Speaking of mothers day.
you would think i would be jealous of girls who have this special bond with their mother. being able to go shopping with them, tell them about their boyfriend or who they like, ask them for advice and just be happy basking in each other's presence.
my mother and me?
we never go shopping together because she hates the way i dress. she thinks i dress like a slut or i dress too old for my age. she hates my makeup because her theory is that all naturale is the best for girls my age and you should only amp up the makeup once you get to her age. she hates it when my hair is down because she says i look like a crazy, uneducated girl. she hates my sunnies because she thinks they're too big for my face. who do i think i am? a supermodel? she hates my shoes because i wear heels too much. she hates the fact that i put on nail polish because its tacky looking and only older women should put on nailpolish. she hates rings because they're tacky. she hates earrings because they're tacky. she hates the fact that i wear contacts becasue contacts are bad for my eyes and my eyes are always red because of them.

i cant tell her about the guy im seeing.
i talk to her about guys in general. not specific guys that i date or i like. but what kind of person i should be looking for or what type of guys attract me. yes that we talk about. but i could never introduce her to a boyfriend who doesnt fit her mould. dont get me wrong, my mother doesnt mind me dating. she just minds who it is. because in her mind... the essence of dating is still marraige. you dont date for no reason.. you date because someday JUST MAYBE you could end up spending the rest of your life with that person.
and if thats the case she wants my guy to be PERFECT. the PERFECT that she wants to impose on me. the PERFECT that when i think about i want to chuck.
sure its got the usual good, caring person blahblahblah
but its also got the
has to be highly educated
has to come from the same family background as you
cant be too goodlooking (no logic right there)
has to be chinese

and that criteria.. i cant deal with. who knows i may end up marrying a guy like that some where WAY down the track. but right now i bite my thumb at the abovementioned points (whoa that abovementioned word shouldnt be used here... sorry essay writing at the moment hence why haha)

we cant be in the same room without snapping at each other for a little bit at least.
she always thinks shes right. even though she says she doesnt she does.
i mean even ivy has picked up on it!
before i used to be all.. "well if im right and she's wrong im gonna fight for my opinion to be heard" mindset. but now.. after relentless screaming at each other ive realised the best medicine in these situations is just silence or just a mere nod of the head and move on.
for example!
my mum is quite obsessed with baileys. haha funny aye?
anyway i was showing her a shotglass that billy bought me from NZ and i was like mum.. you can use this to drink your baileys! and she turned to me and said you cant drink baileys like that. its got too much alcohol in it you can only sip it like wine.
i remained silent and just nodded and smiled.
why dig myself into a hole aye?
im standing 10m away and im loving the view

my mum also likes very much to remind me that well you see... im not a very nice, polite, selfless person. i used to be all that when i was a kid. but now... ive turned into this rude, selfish, hot tempered monster whose going to fail in life because i cant manage relationships with anybody because im just too hard to get along with. :)

but you know what? even after all that.. i dont think im jealous of other girls who have such fantastic relationships with their mothers. i think ive grown acustomed to this constant battle i wage at home with folks.
thats not to say that I myself dont want to have a great relationship with my daughter. im gonna be the coolest mum ever. do you know why? because ill already know what pushes daughter and mother relationships apart. and i know i wont make the same mistakes that my mum did.
i dont blame her though i know she wants the best for me. but she just doesnt show it in a loving manner. maybe its with all chinese parents? or maybe its just with all chinese parents who think the main goal in life is to have a successful career

im still grateful though. im grateful that shestayed in australia for me. the money she's spent on me. how much she pushed me. because otherwise i wouldnt be where i am now.

i just wish she would try a bit harder to UNDERSTAND me.

but it is mothers day on sunday and im gonna be that sweet daughter that she wants me to be. so basically hair in bun, fringe pinned back, no makeup, glasses on, my earrings off, baggy trackies, baggy tshirt, woollen sweater. im pretty sure that'll be the best mother's day present i can give her.

so on mother's day give your mum a hug even if you havent hugged her since you were 10. tell her youappreciate her even though sometimes its doubtful. tell her she looks beautiful and hasnt aged at all. tell her thank you for putting up with all the stupid things ive done this year. tell her that you'll work harder this year to make her happier and to decrease teh number of times she has to yell at you.

just tell her you love her because this is the only one time of the year you say it. (well the only time of the year i say it)

love