words are such cryptic things.
one word could have a million different meanings when put in different contexts
one person's interpretation of a word can be extremely different from that of another's.

when i speak to people ive known for a while or people im close to i dont usually think before i open my mouth. i say what comes to my mind the minute that thought sneaks its ugly head into my brain.
i like to think that this means im a truthful and honest person with people im close with. i like to think it means im not being all fake and two-faced.
but what i dont think about sometimes is maybe words hurt. maybe even a little joke hurts you. maybe even one little smart comment can hurt
my mum always tells me that "young people think they know everything... they think that life is all about "being yourself" and "standing up for everything you believe in"" and i always argue with her because ive always thought that being yourself will get you somewhere. standign up for what you believe in will get you somewhere.

but im having second thoughts

in the corporate world.. does being yourself really mean you will get far? if im all for not kissing the boss's ass and thats something that i believe in and i dont do it... then theres a high possibility that the ass-kisser will get the promotion and not me

if im always being myself, arent i just opening myself up with a neon sign over me saying "vulnerable girl here.. take your shots"?

i guess im still living in that idealised world where i CAN stand up for everything i believe
but i guess thats not really the way the world spins. not the real world anyway.
and i guess i do put real world before pecy world

there are some things that you morally condemn and maybe even though you know that it happens all the time and even to those that you care about, you never wanna see it actually happening to them in your presence.
but when you do see it happening, how are you supposed to react?
are you supposed to show how disgusted you are? or do you hide your disgust and put on a brave face and just soak it in without a word?
i dont wanna be that person who just stands around watching people screw up their lives.
but i dont want to be that person who becomes a nuisance to people because i try so hard to push my own moralities onto them.
so is it a lose-lose situation?
i cant help you and you disintegrate?
OR
i try too hard to help you and you push me away?

HAHA i dont think i could live with either option



where are you?