the more i see you
the more time i want to spend with you
you told me i was like a cigarette.
i cant really call you my cigarette cuz i smoke haha but you can be my coffee.
the more i have the more i want and when i get a whiff of it... it completely teases my senses
but you threw me off today.
i dont think you realise when you throw these comments out without any second thought and think im going to take it well.
i do take it well. thats just the person i am. i take it well to your face. and then when i think about it some more... doesnt go down so well after that. and then i think and i think and i think and i think and i dont stop until i sort it out.
yeah i do think too much. but thats what makes me different from all the girls before right?
and its that difference that makes the boys like me too right?
what do YOU think?
do YOU think your comment today threw me off?
tell me...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
words are such cryptic things.
one word could have a million different meanings when put in different contexts
one person's interpretation of a word can be extremely different from that of another's.
when i speak to people ive known for a while or people im close to i dont usually think before i open my mouth. i say what comes to my mind the minute that thought sneaks its ugly head into my brain.
i like to think that this means im a truthful and honest person with people im close with. i like to think it means im not being all fake and two-faced.
but what i dont think about sometimes is maybe words hurt. maybe even a little joke hurts you. maybe even one little smart comment can hurt
my mum always tells me that "young people think they know everything... they think that life is all about "being yourself" and "standing up for everything you believe in"" and i always argue with her because ive always thought that being yourself will get you somewhere. standign up for what you believe in will get you somewhere.
but im having second thoughts
in the corporate world.. does being yourself really mean you will get far? if im all for not kissing the boss's ass and thats something that i believe in and i dont do it... then theres a high possibility that the ass-kisser will get the promotion and not me
if im always being myself, arent i just opening myself up with a neon sign over me saying "vulnerable girl here.. take your shots"?
i guess im still living in that idealised world where i CAN stand up for everything i believe
but i guess thats not really the way the world spins. not the real world anyway.
and i guess i do put real world before pecy world
there are some things that you morally condemn and maybe even though you know that it happens all the time and even to those that you care about, you never wanna see it actually happening to them in your presence.
but when you do see it happening, how are you supposed to react?
are you supposed to show how disgusted you are? or do you hide your disgust and put on a brave face and just soak it in without a word?
i dont wanna be that person who just stands around watching people screw up their lives.
but i dont want to be that person who becomes a nuisance to people because i try so hard to push my own moralities onto them.
so is it a lose-lose situation?
i cant help you and you disintegrate?
OR
i try too hard to help you and you push me away?
HAHA i dont think i could live with either option
where are you?
one word could have a million different meanings when put in different contexts
one person's interpretation of a word can be extremely different from that of another's.
when i speak to people ive known for a while or people im close to i dont usually think before i open my mouth. i say what comes to my mind the minute that thought sneaks its ugly head into my brain.
i like to think that this means im a truthful and honest person with people im close with. i like to think it means im not being all fake and two-faced.
but what i dont think about sometimes is maybe words hurt. maybe even a little joke hurts you. maybe even one little smart comment can hurt
my mum always tells me that "young people think they know everything... they think that life is all about "being yourself" and "standing up for everything you believe in"" and i always argue with her because ive always thought that being yourself will get you somewhere. standign up for what you believe in will get you somewhere.
but im having second thoughts
in the corporate world.. does being yourself really mean you will get far? if im all for not kissing the boss's ass and thats something that i believe in and i dont do it... then theres a high possibility that the ass-kisser will get the promotion and not me
if im always being myself, arent i just opening myself up with a neon sign over me saying "vulnerable girl here.. take your shots"?
i guess im still living in that idealised world where i CAN stand up for everything i believe
but i guess thats not really the way the world spins. not the real world anyway.
and i guess i do put real world before pecy world
there are some things that you morally condemn and maybe even though you know that it happens all the time and even to those that you care about, you never wanna see it actually happening to them in your presence.
but when you do see it happening, how are you supposed to react?
are you supposed to show how disgusted you are? or do you hide your disgust and put on a brave face and just soak it in without a word?
i dont wanna be that person who just stands around watching people screw up their lives.
but i dont want to be that person who becomes a nuisance to people because i try so hard to push my own moralities onto them.
so is it a lose-lose situation?
i cant help you and you disintegrate?
OR
i try too hard to help you and you push me away?
HAHA i dont think i could live with either option
where are you?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
well here i am back again.
rested from a week of hecticness. well not really rested cuz my legs are aching from walking from darling habour to the cross and then from st james back to darling harbour on like 15 cm heels.
no joke aye? what i do to try (and yeah i am using the word try so shut your face if you wanted to comment) and be tall.
but im sure you understand what i mean. mentally rested i guess you could put it. i dont have to think about any upcoming exams anymore till stuvac. its just 2 more assignments and this semester will be over and it'll be winter break!
i have yet to make plans for winter break which sucks because i would like to be going somewhere and doing something productive.
where do i see myself in a year's time?
- in a relationship
- skinnier
- less ciggies
- still getting good marks
- not living in cherrybrook anymore
- more efficient with my time management issues
- more tolerant of others
- more mature
wow
thats a shit list
ill get back to you when i find something more productive to put on that list.
speak soon
rested from a week of hecticness. well not really rested cuz my legs are aching from walking from darling habour to the cross and then from st james back to darling harbour on like 15 cm heels.
no joke aye? what i do to try (and yeah i am using the word try so shut your face if you wanted to comment) and be tall.
but im sure you understand what i mean. mentally rested i guess you could put it. i dont have to think about any upcoming exams anymore till stuvac. its just 2 more assignments and this semester will be over and it'll be winter break!
i have yet to make plans for winter break which sucks because i would like to be going somewhere and doing something productive.
where do i see myself in a year's time?
- in a relationship
- skinnier
- less ciggies
- still getting good marks
- not living in cherrybrook anymore
- more efficient with my time management issues
- more tolerant of others
- more mature
wow
thats a shit list
ill get back to you when i find something more productive to put on that list.
speak soon
Sunday, April 12, 2009
had a fantastic night on saturday! and even though itll be my only free day duirng these midsems it was completely worth it!
i dont really have any photos except for the ones that bon took with the ruse girls at dinner.
dont have any photos of the usyders or the nsgs. see i knew i wouldnt keep to my take a lot of photos of my life idea HAHA fail
i love her so so much :(
yay for the girls who could come out! funfunfun (+ deb who came bowling )
i dont really have any photos except for the ones that bon took with the ruse girls at dinner.
dont have any photos of the usyders or the nsgs. see i knew i wouldnt keep to my take a lot of photos of my life idea HAHA fail
i love her so so much :(
yay for the girls who could come out! funfunfun (+ deb who came bowling )sunday was wasted as well so apart from being stressed for uni im pretty content with life:)
CANNOT WAIT FOR THE 24th to COME! then PARTAY again... just once more
ohand yes i drove to the city on saturday night (FIRST TIME!). and i have to say that the streets in ultimo are friggin impossible to manouver. i mean who knew there would be so many one ways and no right turns? we got to ultimo probably a few streets from mike's place and took us half an hour to actually get in front of his house. SEE? ridiculous i say! but then again when i drove home it only took me 40 mins if that. i AM soooo driving from now on when i go out.
the weather's pretty miserable but thats ok... makes me not wanna go out so i can stay and study like the good girl that i am
speak soon lover!
probably after my exams
Friday, April 10, 2009
ok there are three types of girls in my view
1. THE BEAUTIFUL
ok this girl is what you would call a classic beauty i guess. she's not wildly eccentric looking. she may not even be hot. but her face is proportioned rightly. she dresses so appropriately for each occasion. and she oozes elegance and sophistication. she's probably intelligent, well spoken, opinionated and one of those true 21st century women who are trying to make it in this man's world. Men probably find her intimidating and hence until she finally finds someone who understands her she'll be lonely. She's probably very stubborn and doesnt listen to the advice of others and too head strong to apologise for things. For chinese (not really asians.. i dont know what other asian cultures think of beautiful women) a classic beauty in my belief would be very very very white, a small face love heart face, eyes that arent too big so that they look more westernised nor eyes that are too small that they look like the cartoons of chinese people. a high small nose. flawless skin. ie. channelling zhangzi yi
2. THE HOTTIE
ok so she's a bit wild. she looks wild and dresses wild. she wants to stand out from the crowd and most importantly she probably loves it when men stare at her. this type girl is what all guys around our age aim to be able to nail down (well in my opinion anyway). however, these are also the types of girls that well frankly men dont really respect. all she oozes is probably just sex and a "come hither" vibe, but after sex what else will a man see in her? nothing basically. so she just becomes this little play thing that no one could give a shit about. she probably has a small collection of tattoos. her tongue and belly pierced. doesnt own anything past her knee or anything covering her stomach. her boobs are probably hanging out of every piece of clothing she owns. she's usually confident, cocky but not stimulating. so when she talks to guys she will be sexually mesmerizing but when youa ctual listen to her talk, underneath her extreme use of dirty words, you'll find no substance whatsoever. elegance? sophistication? SAY WHAT? when i think hot, i think big smoky eyes, little black dress, high stilletos, for some reason a big mouth (HAHAHA) and long straight hair. channelling tila tequila.
3. THE CUTIE
she's adorable. she probably wears fluffy things. little kitten heels all the time. she probably has big goggly eyes that stare at you like little puppies. she probably doesnt even have a solid understanding of what sex is. she's probably the most innocent thing you've ever seen. she probably likes pink. or likes cute soft toys that she always wants you to buy her. or win her at capitol. she probably never raises her voice but you still end up losing the fights because you look into those crazy puppy dog eyes and you just give in. she probably looks really pretty and cute standing next to you and all your friends think she's adorable too. you guys probably never fight anyway becasue whatever you say goes cuz she's accommodating like that. she probably doesnt have much of a say in matters not because she doesnt want to but becase she probably doesnt really understand whats going on anyway. her main goal in life is to stand there and look cute. and boy does she do a good job. i'm thinking BIG ROUND eyes, short and skinny, lots of mobile jingle thingys little cute hats, little kitten heels (cuz they're too short to wear flats even to uni) frilly and lacey little skirts. channelling Rainie
yeap thats my generalisation of the day. im not trying to say what im saying is true. its just something to mull over and to think how many of these types or similar types of girls you know.
anyway today my dad said the most racist thing EVER. we were watching americna idol and one of the ex american idol people came on. it was this blonde country singer chick and she was wearing a silver strapless dress that ended just above her knee. and my dad was like thats a very nice dress. and cuz im a smartass i said you wouldnt let me out of the house in a dress like that. AND GUESS WHAT HE SAID?
ITS
CUZ
YOU
DONT
HAVE
BLONDE
HAIR
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHA
omg me and ivy just cracked up sooooooo hard. its not even that racist its just the most idiotic logic EVER. hahahahaha my mum was dumbstruck at how stupid my dad was too. haha hilariousssssss
30/04/09. will be a significant day.
xpeaceout
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
im not something that will appear in your life when you want me to appear. im not something that you pick up when you're bored and put back down when you have something else to do.
i DESERVE better than that.
and i CAN get better than that
so tell me why i feel this way? tell me why i feel this way but i dont do anything about it?
i want so badly for you to say that im not just your little play thing. sometimes i actually believe you think me more than that. but other times my confidence on us comes crashing down.
maybe we're still playing games? maybe if i wanna spend time with you i should just say, "hey lets spend more time together". and maybe if you want to spend time with me you should tell me "hey dog your friends i wanna spend time with you"
whatever this is i feel like a frequeny wave. my emotions when im with you peak and then when i dont hear from you for like a gazillion years im in a trough.
ive always been against relationships that are turbulent like that. we're all still young why but yourself through all that up and down?
im confused
help me figure it out?
i DESERVE better than that.
and i CAN get better than that
so tell me why i feel this way? tell me why i feel this way but i dont do anything about it?
i want so badly for you to say that im not just your little play thing. sometimes i actually believe you think me more than that. but other times my confidence on us comes crashing down.
maybe we're still playing games? maybe if i wanna spend time with you i should just say, "hey lets spend more time together". and maybe if you want to spend time with me you should tell me "hey dog your friends i wanna spend time with you"
whatever this is i feel like a frequeny wave. my emotions when im with you peak and then when i dont hear from you for like a gazillion years im in a trough.
ive always been against relationships that are turbulent like that. we're all still young why but yourself through all that up and down?
im confused
help me figure it out?
i derno if im pushing you away
or you're pushing me away
i dont even know if i can be bothered to care anymore because even if i do do something wrong obviously you arent going to tell me.
im kinda at that stage where i think "hey this could go somewhere" and other times im thinking
"we're just wasting both our time".
how much do we even both mean to each other?
if you put it in perspective i dont think a whole lot.
prove me wrong?
or you're pushing me away
i dont even know if i can be bothered to care anymore because even if i do do something wrong obviously you arent going to tell me.
im kinda at that stage where i think "hey this could go somewhere" and other times im thinking
"we're just wasting both our time".
how much do we even both mean to each other?
if you put it in perspective i dont think a whole lot.
prove me wrong?
byran greenberg
most people know him from one tree hill as jake. the sweet single dad that has to do eveyrthing for his little girl and who peyton completely falls for
but have you seen him in prime?
o-h-m-y-d-e-a-r
theres this one scene where you see his back without his shirt on and omgoshhh you can see all the fucking defined muscles and ohmygosh ohmygosh
prime is an awesome movie.
facial hair can be very sexy.
well on byran greenberg haha
oh
and also
adam levine is sex on legs.
seriously
NO SERIOUSLY
i would die if i could just touch his hand.
ill have a convulsive attack right there
i love two and a half men. its such dry humour its fucking hilarious.
i shop had the decency of selling me dunhill ciggies for 14.20 today. thats 3.2 more than what cealz can get them for me... which is like my morning coffee
cheapcheap asian shopkeepers
i wanna go back to beijing or shanghai or hk and work for stephen jacques mallesons.
most people know him from one tree hill as jake. the sweet single dad that has to do eveyrthing for his little girl and who peyton completely falls for
but have you seen him in prime?
o-h-m-y-d-e-a-r
theres this one scene where you see his back without his shirt on and omgoshhh you can see all the fucking defined muscles and ohmygosh ohmygosh
prime is an awesome movie.
facial hair can be very sexy.
well on byran greenberg haha
oh
and also
adam levine is sex on legs.
seriously
NO SERIOUSLY
i would die if i could just touch his hand.
ill have a convulsive attack right there
i love two and a half men. its such dry humour its fucking hilarious.
i shop had the decency of selling me dunhill ciggies for 14.20 today. thats 3.2 more than what cealz can get them for me... which is like my morning coffee
cheapcheap asian shopkeepers
i wanna go back to beijing or shanghai or hk and work for stephen jacques mallesons.
Monday, April 6, 2009
ok 2 mins to blog again!
finc tmr.. then im gonna be relieved for like an afternoon then back at it for the THREE ASSESSMENTS I HAVE FIRST WEEK BACK AFTER MIDSEM BREAK
contracts whcih i havnet even started and regression which i havnet either.
UGHUGHUGHUGHUGH.
they lie about mid-sem break. it shouldnt be called that it should be called mid-sem-catch-up-on-your-assessments week. im stressted like a motherfucker.
but im allowed to rest for one day right?
well thats what i keep telling myself anyway
im pretty clothes driven i guess. but i would rather spend 2 hours clicking away on ebay then actually move my lazy fat ass and go shopping the conventional way. plus when you do that you end up buying things which like NEARLY EVERY OTHER SINGLE GIRL will own. which sucks. i hate looking like someone else.
its not bad also that ebay is dirt cheap too.
me and brands dont mix. im more like why buy something that costs 500 bux when you can buy 10 things for that same amount of money?
im not really into the flaunting brand thing. sure if something is really nice and i believe its a sound investment then ill buy it. but buying something for the sake of having that thing because of its brand.. well its just not up my alleyway.
plus branded stuff usually all look the same and doesnt really show much personality in the way you dress.
im a big believer that the way you dress denotes the person you are.
call me superficial or whatever.
couldnt really care less.
WISH ME LUCK FOR MY EXAM TMR!
xpeace
finc tmr.. then im gonna be relieved for like an afternoon then back at it for the THREE ASSESSMENTS I HAVE FIRST WEEK BACK AFTER MIDSEM BREAK
contracts whcih i havnet even started and regression which i havnet either.
UGHUGHUGHUGHUGH.
they lie about mid-sem break. it shouldnt be called that it should be called mid-sem-catch-up-on-your-assessments week. im stressted like a motherfucker.
but im allowed to rest for one day right?
well thats what i keep telling myself anyway
im pretty clothes driven i guess. but i would rather spend 2 hours clicking away on ebay then actually move my lazy fat ass and go shopping the conventional way. plus when you do that you end up buying things which like NEARLY EVERY OTHER SINGLE GIRL will own. which sucks. i hate looking like someone else.
its not bad also that ebay is dirt cheap too.
me and brands dont mix. im more like why buy something that costs 500 bux when you can buy 10 things for that same amount of money?
im not really into the flaunting brand thing. sure if something is really nice and i believe its a sound investment then ill buy it. but buying something for the sake of having that thing because of its brand.. well its just not up my alleyway.
plus branded stuff usually all look the same and doesnt really show much personality in the way you dress.
im a big believer that the way you dress denotes the person you are.
call me superficial or whatever.
couldnt really care less.
WISH ME LUCK FOR MY EXAM TMR!
xpeace
Saturday, April 4, 2009
oh yeah
i need to stop saying fuck so much
i just read through some of the stuff i write..
and its just so potty mouthish
yeap
thats
it
i need to stop saying fuck so much
i just read through some of the stuff i write..
and its just so potty mouthish
yeap
thats
it
ok i have three mins to blog
i had something i wanted to talk about and now its gone straight outta my head!
i hate finance.
i HATE waiting for trains by yourself for half an hour.
i love ryan reynolds.
I HATE ibises.
i HATE when my mum gets fucking pms and takes it out all on me
i love sleeping
i hate how its sososo cold today and will be for the next week.
i love that we get an extra hour of sleep tonight cuz of changes to daylight saving
I LOVE THE FACT THAT MID-SEM BREAK IS COMING UP :)
ok well that took more than 3 mins cuz i couldnt think of anything to write
ill write something more when my head isnt so filled with fucking annuities and present value and capital budgeting
x
i had something i wanted to talk about and now its gone straight outta my head!
i hate finance.
i HATE waiting for trains by yourself for half an hour.
i love ryan reynolds.
I HATE ibises.
i HATE when my mum gets fucking pms and takes it out all on me
i love sleeping
i hate how its sososo cold today and will be for the next week.
i love that we get an extra hour of sleep tonight cuz of changes to daylight saving
I LOVE THE FACT THAT MID-SEM BREAK IS COMING UP :)
ok well that took more than 3 mins cuz i couldnt think of anything to write
ill write something more when my head isnt so filled with fucking annuities and present value and capital budgeting
x
Thursday, April 2, 2009
im a big believer about communication.
you have a problem you voice it out, you talk about it, you compromise, you solve it.
i dont believe that keeping it inside of yourself is emotionally healthy at all
because one day everything that you keep inside of yourself is just gonna blow up and you'll end up like a spastic, crazy nutso
and this is why we have friends, family, loved ones etc etc. they're there for you to communicate with, to share your feelings with, to get advice from and they should just be there to even perform the fucking simple duty of listening.
the best ways of solving a problem is for both parties to rationally sit down together and work through it. for both sides to say what they're feeling, what they think the other party did wrong, what they think the solution should be.
but i guess thats the way i deal with problems. maybe because im such a vocal person i tend to become more vocal and talkative and probably more annoying when im dealing with a problem.
i get it that people deal with problems their own way.
i just wish you would talk about your problems with me.
so maybe i can feel a part of your life more
and maybe i can feel that you take me seriously
"if you're gonna play with fire, you're gonna get burnt"
xlove
you have a problem you voice it out, you talk about it, you compromise, you solve it.
i dont believe that keeping it inside of yourself is emotionally healthy at all
because one day everything that you keep inside of yourself is just gonna blow up and you'll end up like a spastic, crazy nutso
and this is why we have friends, family, loved ones etc etc. they're there for you to communicate with, to share your feelings with, to get advice from and they should just be there to even perform the fucking simple duty of listening.
the best ways of solving a problem is for both parties to rationally sit down together and work through it. for both sides to say what they're feeling, what they think the other party did wrong, what they think the solution should be.
but i guess thats the way i deal with problems. maybe because im such a vocal person i tend to become more vocal and talkative and probably more annoying when im dealing with a problem.
i get it that people deal with problems their own way.
i just wish you would talk about your problems with me.
so maybe i can feel a part of your life more
and maybe i can feel that you take me seriously
"if you're gonna play with fire, you're gonna get burnt"
xlove
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
shit
i
think
i
went
overboard
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
i really wish i could take it back...
i really really really really really do
ok so i have a fucked up sense of humor...
:(
i
think
i
went
overboard
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
i really wish i could take it back...
i really really really really really do
ok so i have a fucked up sense of humor...
:(