lets welcome in the new year with 37 degrees weather.
my airconditioning is on full blast. all my curtains are closed. my radio is blasting and im wearing near absolute nothing but i still feel hot.
my brain's, obviously from being away from uni for the past few months, dying slowly. ive lost common sense a bit and ive lost direction and ive lost a tad of self dignity and ive definitely lost all self control

OR

am i wrong and my brain isnt dying but this is just a feelign i havent felt in a long time? some "feeling" ive lost touch with for the past half year? and now that im kinda feeling it crawl back under my skin im just a tad too excited?

whatever this is im surprised at myself. not disappointed. you're probably disappointed arent you? basking in my mistakes and saying shit like "this isnt the pecy i know" or "she's gonna make the wrong choice and she's gonna suffer later on"
yeah well... im kinda tired of "later on". i wanna live NOW. what happened living for the moment? well thats kinda died for me in the past few months, but just in the past few weeks ive rekindled my love for the NOW. sure its impulsive and unthought out and probably stupid sometimes. but boy does it feel good

so maybe im sitting here half naked and feeling hot because my body's feeling something i havnet felt in a while and its going haywire.
If only my body could give me answers to questions my life would be so much easier.
so if i feel hot does that mean its a yes. or is hot a no?

I'm leaving for overseas for a month in a few weeks. and im totally totally excited and hyped and blahblahblah all that shit. but im a little bit nervous because a month is a long time and when you get back people have moved on with their lives and you've got a lot to catch up on. GAWD imagine me going on exchange ... haha 6 months of catching up to do once i get back... that sounds like fun!

okokok
new year resolutions?
- stop spending money on useless things.. i think i mean to say stop clubbing so much
- lose 5 kilos before i turn 20
- keeping a D or even higher average at uni
- start reading the newspaper more often
- STOP BITING MY NAILS (ok so basically this goes on my list every year.. and every year there is always ONE tiny period time of which i achieve this goal.. but usually by 31 of December whatever year... this resolution's gone out the window. BUT THIS YEAR... ITS GONNA CHANGE MARK MY WORDS)
- save up for another tattoo
- keep in touch with the people i care about

thats a pretty comprehensive list.. i think anywya
and relationships.. im just gonna go with the flow.. stop thinking so much and stop comparing to before and stop making assumptions and stop thinking what everyone else thinks. cuz ultimately its about me right?
i was reading this thing gala darling wrote on her blog.. and she's right. if you would rather be by yourself than with the other person. then you know its not gonna work out. if you just want to be with them becasue they're "nice" then you know its not gonna work out. she said that life is already mundane enough... why let something that should be completely special be mundane as well?
have you ever thought about that?
well i have

x