ok so i realised unlike most people's blogs that are adorned with pictures. i'm a lazy ass and haha basically.. ummmmm no pictures on my blog?
yeah ok
but i dont carry a camera around religiously... ok well I DO FINE I WONT LIE. haha but i dont use it religiously.
so im gonna try find some current pics

let me start with a soft caress
wanna show you im not like the rest
so put me to the test
anything that you feel let it go
wanna take it nice and slow
so baby lose control
i want this more than i want anything
anything

so lets stay up tonight
girl its on
let me sing you a song
so lets stay up tonight
girl its on
let me sing you this song
cuz its all about loving tonight
its on you see
so stay up with me tonight

so come lay here right next to me
let me show you want love can be
ill kiss your lips softly
while im looking right in your eyes
girl ill slowly go deep inside
your heart is what i mean
cuz i want this more than i want anything



anything




I WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING

car crashes freak me out
car crashes can happen to anyone... one split second of carelessness and there goes an arm, a leg, a life
fuck
i dont even know why i drive...because i KNOW I JUST KNOW that, because im clumsy like hell, im gonna get into an accident one day.. and BAM... the rest is history.. touch wood

ANYWAY

7 pounds is an AWESOME movie... AWESOME. i havent cried like that for a very very long time. and in front of friends who've never seen me cry before.. a little embarrassing i must say. but... wow.

and?

i have nothing to say again.
ill be back when i do.

PS. back into grey's anatomy again. ohmydearlord im scared to have children. ohmydearlord i dont wanna get old and wrinkly and talk too much and be so dependent on the people around me. being old is just like being a baby. you need people to take care of you. you dont have many senses left. you lose your ability to think properly and talk properly. all the things you were when you were a baby. scary as hell

scorpions
scorpions paralyse their prey first by stinging them and then bringing them in
and theres that myth
that when scorpions are surrounded by fire.. ie. about to get burnt.. they sting themselves to death

so which one are you?
are you that seductress that can reel people in and somehow, in some way, poison their mind to do your bidding? do you possess that charm that can naturally attract people towards you, innocent, unsuspecting people, who become blinded and when they least expect it you stab them so hard in the back that you basically suck out their soul?

or are you the one that always gets into trouble. you're always there at the wrong time, meeting the wrong people, making the wrong choices and ending up in the worst possible situations. but instead of being able to escape from those situations like any other animal you just add oil and you heat things up more. you dig yourself into a bigger hole, one that becomes so deep that it becomes virtually impossible to climb, crawl, scamper your way out of. but thats not the point.. the point is that even if you had a chance to escape you would be scared so shitless you wouldnt be able to do it. you'll take that easy way out.. and in this case, stinging yourself to death...

i dont want to be the second one. selfish as it sounds if i had a choice i would pick to be the first one. we're not perfect.. and im not gonna be sitting around telling everyone.. hey look at me im the nicest, most selfless person ever. because, fuck that, im not. and neither are you.

this year
my horoscope predicts ill be less jealous, less intense, less likely to stalk my love interest and be able to let go easier when its over.
employments gonna be a rollercoaster
and im gonna be struggling for cash
bleak outlook or what?
the year has barely started and my horoscope is telling me that firstly... im gonna have a relationship which will end but HEY ITS ALL GOOD ill get over it easy
im probably gonna be stuck at the immigration law place
and all those holidays ive been planning to go on plus saving to go on exchange if i can get it will be a struggle

but who believes in those things anyway aye?

lets welcome in the new year with 37 degrees weather.
my airconditioning is on full blast. all my curtains are closed. my radio is blasting and im wearing near absolute nothing but i still feel hot.
my brain's, obviously from being away from uni for the past few months, dying slowly. ive lost common sense a bit and ive lost direction and ive lost a tad of self dignity and ive definitely lost all self control

OR

am i wrong and my brain isnt dying but this is just a feelign i havent felt in a long time? some "feeling" ive lost touch with for the past half year? and now that im kinda feeling it crawl back under my skin im just a tad too excited?

whatever this is im surprised at myself. not disappointed. you're probably disappointed arent you? basking in my mistakes and saying shit like "this isnt the pecy i know" or "she's gonna make the wrong choice and she's gonna suffer later on"
yeah well... im kinda tired of "later on". i wanna live NOW. what happened living for the moment? well thats kinda died for me in the past few months, but just in the past few weeks ive rekindled my love for the NOW. sure its impulsive and unthought out and probably stupid sometimes. but boy does it feel good

so maybe im sitting here half naked and feeling hot because my body's feeling something i havnet felt in a while and its going haywire.
If only my body could give me answers to questions my life would be so much easier.
so if i feel hot does that mean its a yes. or is hot a no?

I'm leaving for overseas for a month in a few weeks. and im totally totally excited and hyped and blahblahblah all that shit. but im a little bit nervous because a month is a long time and when you get back people have moved on with their lives and you've got a lot to catch up on. GAWD imagine me going on exchange ... haha 6 months of catching up to do once i get back... that sounds like fun!

okokok
new year resolutions?
- stop spending money on useless things.. i think i mean to say stop clubbing so much
- lose 5 kilos before i turn 20
- keeping a D or even higher average at uni
- start reading the newspaper more often
- STOP BITING MY NAILS (ok so basically this goes on my list every year.. and every year there is always ONE tiny period time of which i achieve this goal.. but usually by 31 of December whatever year... this resolution's gone out the window. BUT THIS YEAR... ITS GONNA CHANGE MARK MY WORDS)
- save up for another tattoo
- keep in touch with the people i care about

thats a pretty comprehensive list.. i think anywya
and relationships.. im just gonna go with the flow.. stop thinking so much and stop comparing to before and stop making assumptions and stop thinking what everyone else thinks. cuz ultimately its about me right?
i was reading this thing gala darling wrote on her blog.. and she's right. if you would rather be by yourself than with the other person. then you know its not gonna work out. if you just want to be with them becasue they're "nice" then you know its not gonna work out. she said that life is already mundane enough... why let something that should be completely special be mundane as well?
have you ever thought about that?
well i have

x