stop teasing.
stop appearing in my life in the most randomest times and being nice to me.
you're being nice isnt even because you feel anything towards me.
your niceness is most probably just for your on benefit. to make yourself feel better about what youve done and what kind of person you are.
but even though you asked me yesterday whether my friends think you're a faggot and i shook my head. i was probably lying. they probably do think you're a faggot. but once again why is it so important what they think? why didnt you ask me do YOU think im a faggot?
then i couldve shaken my head and honestly believed that that is the truth. because truthfully i do not think you're a faggot. call me stupid, naive. call me cock whipped. call me whatever...
they say when you try to quit smoking its way hard to quit cold turkey and taking things slowly will get the most results.
well i wish i could quit you cold turkey. i wish you would completely disappear from my life.
not because i dont have feelings for you. but because it would be easier for me to get over you.
yeah im selfish like that.
remember my checked list?
boys...uncheck
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
so you know my daily runnings?
wellll let you in on a secret.
they arent daily...
AHHAAHAH
AS IF THAT WAS A SHOCK HORROR TO ANYONE!? :P
ok ok
so instead they're 2-day runnings which is ok because on the days i dont run i dont leave the ab king pro. i really dont know if it works or not.. BUT BUT BUT it makes you feel good about your self when you do 100.
sometimes you wanna escape it all. every little problem in your life and sometimes you think... ive been good all these years. ive done what ive been told. i havnet gotten pregnant, not every caught for drugs, not cheated in a test, not broken curfew, not been drunk off my titties (at least not in their faces).
so you say.
hey mate. ive dont all youve asked me for.
why isnt that enough?
why are there still more rules that i need to follow? why do you not say to yourself 'shes done well lets get off her back..' but instead only pick up on the bad, rude, selfish things that ive done.
this is the reason why.
because its never enough.
youve made it this far. but in their minds youve still got miles to travel.
until you reach that final destination in their minds nothing you ever do will be good enough.
who gives a shit if that final destination is still 10 million miles away?
you've given them a tester. a sample. and it just means they crave more.
but then you say why the hell did i start being a good kid in the first place? why the hell did i study. and do well at school and try to make them happy when obviously they will never be happy?
because you wanna build a life for yourself where you will not be sweating it out behind the counter of woolies or dealing of customers who thinks that they found a piece of hair in their burger.
and because, even though it hurts me to say this.. sooner or later what makes them happy will make you happy.
you think your parents arent happy? take a look at mine. sometimes i think i was born into the wrong family.
but you play the hands you're dealt with right?
sometimes i think my parents think that the hospital gave them a wrong baby.
but they play the hands that they're dealt too.
and cards... theres always luck involved right?
we could all use some of that luck.
RIGHT ABOUT NOW
so i think im moving but im actually standing still.
you think youve stopped thinking about it until the little notch at the back of your head turns on and things start to run through your head and you laugh it off thinking that you're past all that
but you're not.
boys are dickheads.
_ _ _ _heads.
so much better without their dicks though.
wellll let you in on a secret.
they arent daily...
AHHAAHAH
AS IF THAT WAS A SHOCK HORROR TO ANYONE!? :P
ok ok
so instead they're 2-day runnings which is ok because on the days i dont run i dont leave the ab king pro. i really dont know if it works or not.. BUT BUT BUT it makes you feel good about your self when you do 100.
sometimes you wanna escape it all. every little problem in your life and sometimes you think... ive been good all these years. ive done what ive been told. i havnet gotten pregnant, not every caught for drugs, not cheated in a test, not broken curfew, not been drunk off my titties (at least not in their faces).
so you say.
hey mate. ive dont all youve asked me for.
why isnt that enough?
why are there still more rules that i need to follow? why do you not say to yourself 'shes done well lets get off her back..' but instead only pick up on the bad, rude, selfish things that ive done.
this is the reason why.
because its never enough.
youve made it this far. but in their minds youve still got miles to travel.
until you reach that final destination in their minds nothing you ever do will be good enough.
who gives a shit if that final destination is still 10 million miles away?
you've given them a tester. a sample. and it just means they crave more.
but then you say why the hell did i start being a good kid in the first place? why the hell did i study. and do well at school and try to make them happy when obviously they will never be happy?
because you wanna build a life for yourself where you will not be sweating it out behind the counter of woolies or dealing of customers who thinks that they found a piece of hair in their burger.
and because, even though it hurts me to say this.. sooner or later what makes them happy will make you happy.
you think your parents arent happy? take a look at mine. sometimes i think i was born into the wrong family.
but you play the hands you're dealt with right?
sometimes i think my parents think that the hospital gave them a wrong baby.
but they play the hands that they're dealt too.
and cards... theres always luck involved right?
we could all use some of that luck.
RIGHT ABOUT NOW
so i think im moving but im actually standing still.
you think youve stopped thinking about it until the little notch at the back of your head turns on and things start to run through your head and you laugh it off thinking that you're past all that
but you're not.
boys are dickheads.
_ _ _ _heads.
so much better without their dicks though.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
procrastination... all done
exams...all done
shopping... all done (must control myself.... must control myself)
self contempt...all done
self doubt...all done
hope...all done
boys...all done
PARTYING IT UP AND GOING CRAZY... unchecked
so theres my checklist for the past few weeks. pretty comprehensive if i do say so myself. only one more thing left to do and i think its the one im looking most forward to :):)
ill blog when something interesting comes up. cuz im not gonna try put my one month of feelings into one measly blog. sorry not that articulate
xx
PS PRINCE CASPIAN ROCKED MY WORLD
PPS CHINA SUCKS AT SOCCER. IM FLABBERGASTED AS TO WHY AUSTRALIA LOST.
PPPS I HATE STRATHFIELD. FULL OF SEEDY SEEDY SEEDY PEOPLE
PPPPS I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SNOW
PPPPPS NEXT SEMESTER IM ONLY AT UNI 3 DAYS A WEEK
PPPPPPS I STILL HAVE YET TO RECEIVE MONEY FROM MY PARENTS.. ITS BEEN 8 WEEKS. NO WONDER IM POOR
PPPPPPPS I HAVE DECIDED TO EXERCISE AGAIN. RUNNING EVERY MORNING. BLOODY BLOODY COLD
that is all.
exams...all done
shopping... all done (must control myself.... must control myself)
self contempt...all done
self doubt...all done
hope...all done
boys...all done
PARTYING IT UP AND GOING CRAZY... unchecked
so theres my checklist for the past few weeks. pretty comprehensive if i do say so myself. only one more thing left to do and i think its the one im looking most forward to :):)
ill blog when something interesting comes up. cuz im not gonna try put my one month of feelings into one measly blog. sorry not that articulate
xx
PS PRINCE CASPIAN ROCKED MY WORLD
PPS CHINA SUCKS AT SOCCER. IM FLABBERGASTED AS TO WHY AUSTRALIA LOST.
PPPS I HATE STRATHFIELD. FULL OF SEEDY SEEDY SEEDY PEOPLE
PPPPS I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SNOW
PPPPPS NEXT SEMESTER IM ONLY AT UNI 3 DAYS A WEEK
PPPPPPS I STILL HAVE YET TO RECEIVE MONEY FROM MY PARENTS.. ITS BEEN 8 WEEKS. NO WONDER IM POOR
PPPPPPPS I HAVE DECIDED TO EXERCISE AGAIN. RUNNING EVERY MORNING. BLOODY BLOODY COLD
that is all.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me
Sunday, June 1, 2008
im just a tad over my head here.
im expectign something thats not tangible and sometimes im so esctatic at the thought and sometimes im runnin scared out of my wits.
i have to stop comparing myself to before cuz theres no point. ive got to live for the now right? live for whats going for me in my life at this very second of this very day of this very month of this very year.
and if hell breaks lose. i wouldve become a better person out of it yes?
well thats what they tell me.
do i really believe it when im here writing it. sitting in this bubble of my world, where yes, i dont like being prodded at. i dont like being spun around and left feeling sick outta my stomach from the dizziness you give me. i dont like being stared at and then flung aside out of mere fun on your behalf.
so while i sit here, trying to concerntrate, trying to keep my mind and heart from sinking too deeply into yours, trying to keep them locked up in my bubble. snatching at them with all my life while they try to escape.. im failing miserably.
and yes i know my layout has disappeared.
what can i say?
WHATEVER
im expectign something thats not tangible and sometimes im so esctatic at the thought and sometimes im runnin scared out of my wits.
i have to stop comparing myself to before cuz theres no point. ive got to live for the now right? live for whats going for me in my life at this very second of this very day of this very month of this very year.
and if hell breaks lose. i wouldve become a better person out of it yes?
well thats what they tell me.
do i really believe it when im here writing it. sitting in this bubble of my world, where yes, i dont like being prodded at. i dont like being spun around and left feeling sick outta my stomach from the dizziness you give me. i dont like being stared at and then flung aside out of mere fun on your behalf.
so while i sit here, trying to concerntrate, trying to keep my mind and heart from sinking too deeply into yours, trying to keep them locked up in my bubble. snatching at them with all my life while they try to escape.. im failing miserably.
and yes i know my layout has disappeared.
what can i say?
WHATEVER