wow
thse few days have been DRAMATIC i tell you!
D TO THE R TO THE... you get the drift
anywayyyyy
but now thats all over i can concerntrate on working and as i have told many many people
ill be disappearing off the face of the earth for a while starting tonight until the 18th of june.
yes i wont even be here for my birthday.. such is life.
TALK TO YOU SOOn

am i truly a horrible person?
dont answer that.. haha
but seriously.
life is punishing me.
nothing is going right.
coke and nuts are becoming my friends late at night when im trying to "Study".
must keep studying. must keep studying. must maintain distinction average...
MUST MUST MUST
or unsw for me... HAHAHAHAHAH JKS KIDS JKS
awww thats mean.
i dont think unsw is that bad. its ok im not a snobbish sydney kid :) yet........
unsw med revue was very very very funny.
see you all at LAWSOC COMSOC... come find me and my significant other
if you still recognise us! HAHA
Hint: think famous couples wooohoooo. think HOTHOTHOT :)
accouting here i come

just a quickie
lifes been good fun these past few days.
just having fun while trying not to stress about assignments/tests/finals

here are my details
week11
stat test
week12
nothing
week13

stuvac
exams!!

OHHMMGGEEEEEEE
im so screwed :(

i was so happy
and suddenly it comes crashing down on me.
and the crashing down was higher than the happiness i felt.
so if we subtract that all out
sadness prevails

it seems these days im always apologising for making people cry.
im the worst friend ever :(
but im sorry... but its only cuz what we have means so much to me and i dont want it to fade away. and even though these past few months ive been doing things and hitting "rough patches" in my life, doesnt mean i dont want you there bashing me with sense and pointing me in the right direction to go. i want you to scream at me and yell at me and call me dumb and hit me and totally not condone my actions and i might not change them all immediately and might try to defend them but i know you are just trying to keep me on track.
but now
ive kinda reached that point in my life where i just wanna live
i wanna live crazy and do crazy things
i wanna experience everything!
hatred, sadness, love, happiness, embarrassemtn, disappointment, compassion, care, generosity, loneliness, misguided (ok totally cant think of any more)

tanya fb me and told me pride is my enemy
i try telling myself that
but i liek my pride. its my shell that i hide under. like my armour that will protect me and if that armour is off i feel completely naked.
BUTT NAKED
and vulnerable and i feel as if ive lost control of the situation and ive lost control of my feelings and of ive let my guard down.
so its hard :(
really hard for me



they said i havent found the right guy. maybe they're right

im sorry im not there for you as much as you want me.
sorry that i dont see it when you cry.
sorry that i disappear when you need me the most.
sorry i keep dwelling on the past.


but my sorrys dont drown out ME
ME who also needs a helping hand in a while
ME who also would like to be rung up to chat to in a while
ME who also cries at night

so while i sit here feeling like a shit friend.
i also sit here feeling like as if im treating myself shit.

both shits are unacceptable..
funny how we live in a shit-acular world huh?

***

trying to limit my intake on one tree hill. its working :) kinda


PS HAPPY 18th LISA QIU!!!! xxx

ive had an amazing couple of days.
just going out with girlfriends makes all the trivial things in life disappear.
this whole mid-sems thing had me way over stressed and tired, underfed, sad, feeling stupid and just being miserable all the time.
then come friday after my micro i had a terrific night with yisha and lisa who i can always count on and always depend upon. being with them makes me miss north sydney girls and makes me sad about those two years ive missed with them. two years where we all did move on a bit.. moving onto new people and new mindsets and new goals in life. moving on which i thought would be so easy to let go but then realise, to my surprise, that its not and it is one of the hardest things to do.
saturday night was a night out with the ruse girls. nostalgic once again. some of them i hadnt seen since formal last year. just little things which makes you miss high school. missing the stability of the people who you know are your friends and who you know you can depend on. people who love you unconditionally. no matter what.
that no matter what part is hard for people to comprehend though. because its hard to do. its hard to open your heart so large and to accept someone for who they are...for every little aspect of who they are.. to one single mole on their body to one horrifying decision they make in their lives. we're bad at accepting.. each and every one of us. i just wish people would try harder. come uni ive become more accepting... at least i think so. i dont judge people as much on superficial levels but im way way way way way far from what i think acceptance should be.
i have finished one tree hill season 3. its made me miss high school. its made me miss a "best friend" and its made me miss liking someone so much that your heart hurts. its made me miss the small things that makes life so fun.
even though songs must end.. you have to live through the music :)
so being all sentimental really isnt my thing. haha. im just the one who smiles heaps and talks really loudly and who trips over on the street and who everyone likes picking on. HAHA. fair enough. i like my job.

ok well im supposed to be studying micro atm.. but ill take a few minutes off just to blog a tad.
SO!
yesterday was...... interfaculty soccer! suls lost :( first round. it was funny cuz all the guys played for suls... and finally commerce won HAHAHAH THEY SHOULDVE PLAYED FOR COMMERCE!!! anyway... it was a scrumptous day yesterday. a tad cold and windy but otherwise beeaauutttiffffulllllll
law speech was... GRRRR because our usual lecturer or whatever you call him, wasnt there. did he even bother to tell us? ERRR NOOOO.. so we had a lady one. the "hot" lady one. she's not THAT hot. nice body but her face is a bit funny and really weird eyebrows.. way too thin and arched. ANYWAY! unlike our normal guy who doesnt give a rats ass about these presentations and only does them cuz he says he has to and doesnt even listen when you do it and like doodles on his piece of paper... THIS LADY has a full marking criteria... expects you to engage the class.. have handouts and write stuff on the board during the presentation.. i was like eRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and then afterwards she totally asks you questions about your speech and i dont know what i SAID! I JUST SAID IT.. so i couldnt explain jackall. ahahah but otherwise she's pretty good cuz she actually got everyone participating in class!
anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy did you know this presentation is as much as my first law assignment which i still havent looked at and will not... for a while
haha
i also realised how bitchy asian fobs are. during pass me and jocelyn, my new friend from chelthnem! (yay.. new friend!), we were like asking the tutor some questions about micro and didnt do the multiple choice questions he set us and then afterwards he was like ok compare answers everyone.. so obviously me and jocelyn havent done it and so we just didnt say anything when we started comparing answers to another fob group.. then the bloody fobs start full asking us.. obviously knowing that we havent done jack all... COMPETITIVENESSSSSSSS TO THE MAX. man just cuz you like to dress daily with every shade of the rainbow dont take out all your anger on us locals. pschhh
ok ok
space has a snow machine tomorrow! AHHA hence why we're going...
cant wait for the weekend kiddos!!! :)
xxx